Ok, I found this article. Supposedly, it's the top 10 best things about being pregnant. I responded to this author's... hmmm... let's call them "ideas". The article is in bold. MY personal opinions are under each point the author is trying to make. This is for my amusement and release of frustration mainly, but it's always fun to share! I find this article humorous in it's ignorance. So, without further ado...
The Big Ten....
1. Pregnancy can help you to make peace with your body. If, like a lot of women, you've had a long-standing love-hate relationship with your body, you may find it possible to call a truce of sorts for at least the next nine months. And, who knows? The truce may end up being permanent: a lot of women find that their feelings about their bodies are forever changed by the experience of being pregnant.
Oh, yes. There's nothing like feeling like a SEA COW for the majority of 9 months. How PEACEFUL it is to feel gigantic and repulsive. MY favorite part of this so-called "peaceful" process is having to wear pants with stretchy spandex at the top so I can squeeze them over my butt. Your feelings about your body change forever, that part is true. But the positive spin they threw on it is crap. Hips and stretch marks certainly alter the way you feel about yourself... permenantly.
2. You're guaranteed to be the life of the party. The entire world loves a pregnant woman, so, for the next nine months at least, you're likely to be the center of attention wherever you go.
I love being the center of attention when I feel fat, don't you?! Please look at me! I can't drink, I can't stand for long periods of time, and I get easily frustrated by the amount of people touching/poking my belly, but please direct your attention THIS WAY. I love that people care. But being the center of attention isn't something I normally enjoy, so why would being there now make me any happier. Leave me in the dark and give me some cookies. There, now I'm happy.
3. You can bow out of some of the least enjoyable household tasks. Not a big fan of painting? Eager to get out of changing the kitty litter? You've got the perfect reason to bow out of these particular household chores for the next nine months of your life while proving yourself to be a responsible and caring mother, to boot! After all, it would be reckless to expose your baby to toxoplasmosis (a parasitic infection that is passed through cat feces) or the toxins in paint fumes, now wouldn't it?
BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Tell that to my husband. PUH-LEASE
4. You've got the perfect excuse to treat yourself to some new clothes. If you're one of those women who has a hard time indulging herself in some new clothes, you've now got the ideal excuse to hit the shopping mall running. It doesn't matter if you've got an entire closet full of fabulous clothes: they aren't going to do you a lot of good over the next nine months. So get ready to indulge yourself in one of the biggest perks of being pregnant: a guilt-free clothes shopping expedition.
Because babies aren't expensive enough. Maternity clothes aren't cheap. I'm wearing a $200 pair of jeans RIGHT NOW. Because cutting the button part off and adding spandex adds $150 to the price of jeans. I don't have nice jeans like that to wear normally. Guilt free my patootie. I have baby furniture, baby clothes, diapers, wipes, toys, sheets, teething rings, and a MILLION other things to buy in the next few months. Wasting money on stretchy clothes doesn't make me feel better. It makes me feel wastful.
5. You can up your food intake without worrying about getting stuck with some permanent souvenirs on your hips and thighs. You need an extra 300 calories a day during the first trimester and an extra 500 calories per day during the second and third trimesters, so if you're a gal who enjoys her food, you're going to get to enjoy an extra 80,000 calories worth over the next nine months.
And that just magically goes away after baby comes, huh? That isn't how I remember it happening. I was a size 2 before I had Trenton. The smallest I have been since is a size 4/6 and THAT involved a few skipped meals. Oh, and it's super easy to find the time and energy to work out when you have a new born. I love working out when I've been sleeping in 17 minutes intervals. This chick has no kids.
6. You may get to witness a temporary rebirth of chivalry and good manners. It's a boorish oaf indeed who would neglect to hold the door open for a pregnant woman or scoot past her on the subway to steal the last available seat. For the next nine months at least, you can expect to be on the receiving end of a number of random acts of kindness from complete strangers.
What kind of time warp is this chick living in? Occasionally, that's a nice bonus but most people don't look at you twice before the door swings closed on you. My own husband doesn't open the car door for me. And some lady actually sighed loudly at me the other day in the elevator when a man held it for me.
7. You've got the perfect excuse to pamper yourself. Feel like taking an extended siesta on a Saturday afternoon? Inclined to indulge in an hour-long bubble bath and then hit the sack early? You've got a nine-month license to indulge yourself, sister, so go for it! This is one time in your life when people will encourage -- rather than berate -- you for taking things easy, so be sure to seize the moment.
Are you kidding? I catch hell if I take a nap. I can't take a bath without one of the boys knocking on the door and interupting me. Who is this person encouraging me to be lazy???
8. You now have something to talk to Cindy Crawford about if you happen to bump into her at the grocery store. If there's one things that pregnant women and new mothers like to talk about, it's the joys and challenges of pregnancy and giving birth. It's one of life's great equalizers. It doesn't matter how much money you have or how are famous you are: from now on you'll begin to define yourself first and foremost as someone's mother.
I, personally, am already someone's mother. I already have mom friends. And I am irritated by Cindy Crawford.
9. Mother's Day stops feeling like a marketing scam created by the greeting card companies. If you've developed a rather jaded take on Mother's Day over the years, you're likely to find yourself re-thinking those sentiments once you become a mother yourself. In fact, rather than scoffing at the super-sappy cards you see in the card store, you're likely to find yourself getting all choked up!
Wow, so, until your a Mom, you don't appreciate Mother's day and think it's a waste of time? How does MY mom feel about that? And apparently, my kids will feel that way too, so what IS the point?!
10. You get to experience the most powerful love imaginable: the love between mother and baby. Forget romantic love! It pales in comparison to the almost magnetic bond between mother and baby. If you've signed up for this pregnancy thing, you're about to discover the number one perk of being pregnant: falling head over heels in love with your baby-to-be.
Ok, this I get. And am excited about experiencing again. 1 out of 10. 10%. Great job.
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