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Friday, January 09, 2009

Hospital rooms amplify yelling.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I was forced to be the messenger in a highly important mission to relay the truth to a woman named Cathy.

You see, Cathy is a nurse. Or maybe more appropriately called a "nurse". See the quotations? See what I did there? Anyway, Cathy is my "nurse". WAS my "nurse". Let me tell you a story...

Once upon a time, a young damsel named Kristin was stuck in the worst hospital in exsistence. She was put into a room there where if you don't pull the door all the way closed, it flies back open. Now, Kristin is a private person who doesn't particularly like people. Yes, call it antisocial, but random roaming sick people looking in her room and staring at her in her less than attractive gray hospital gown didn't appeal to this maiden. After spending the entire damn night, getting up every 45 minutes to close the door after someone and having to KICK it closed because while attached to her IV, she can quite reach it with her hand, she asked that her nurse please make sure she closed the door behind her. The nurse promised she would. When the nurse left, she left the door open.

Something in Kristin's head began to tick. Cathy was pretty much doomed at this point, seeing as Kristin hasn't eaten in 50 hours or so and hadn't slept because with the door open, all the madness in the halls kept her awake. Next time Nurse Idiot came in, Kristin asked if maybe a sign could be put up to remind people to close the door. Great idea, the nurse exclaimed... then left to get one... leaving the door open. Kristin sat, contemplating her words and staring at the open door waiting for the woman to return. She took a very deep breath and convinced herself not to freak the f--K out. So when the nurse returned... several hours later (!), Kristin politely asked about the sign. She'd forgotten. Opps. She's be right back. Kristin closed her eyes. Not in relief. To contain the fiery rays of death and horror that would have spilled out had she kept them open and focused on the door that the nurse had LEFT OPEN.

To you, this may not seem like a big deal. It's a door. But Kristin is tired. Kristin is starving. Kristin doesn't feel well and the people taking care of her are struggling. Kristin, by nature, is a private person. So the door issue was more than just a door issue. It was a respecting Kristin's privacy and needs issue. It was a nurse being able to accommadate issue. It was a being-away-from-home-and-my-kids-please-make-me-feel-comfortable issue.

Kristin watched silently as the nurse put up a sign on the OUTSIDE of the door reminding people to close it behind them. Which didn't make much sense to Kristin, since it was when people LEFT that the left the door open. They seemed to manage just fine when they came IN. But she said nothing. She said nothing while the nurse asked her questions about her pain. She was silent while the nurse threw trash from a syringe on her bed and left it there. She kept her mouth shut... until the nurse ask her to reminder her what medication she's allergic to. Penicillian. For the 4th time. It ended there. Kristin's patience, that is. I believe the uncontollable frustration and anger sounded something like this when the silence broke...

"I need a new nurse. One that listens to me and respects me and isn't a completely incompetent moron playing dress up in set of scrubs."

By the end of this, Kristin was yelling. Cathy seemed confused, but that's probably her normal reaction to most things. But Kristin did get a new nurse. A seemingly intelligent nurse. Who closes the door and pays attention.

So even though Kristin spent a portion of the morning, literally in tears, perhaps THIS day won't be so depressing.

Now, if I could just get a burger... or some enchiladas... or some Luigi's...

So hungry. So miserable.

I have to keep watching this, over and over, to keep me semi-sane. It's dark, but it works for me.

My smiley baby boy.

Morphine, please.


Nicole said...

I hope you're feeling better soon! Hospitals are no fun... especially when you have your little guys waiting for mommy back at home. :(

The Barbers said...

DUDE, what can I do for you? I will sneak you in some food. I mean, what can they do other than toss me on my butt? You can't arrest me.. I mean, I'm about to pop. I'll please insanity. Oh and BTW - May Cathy rest in peace. Dumb dumb.........

me said...

so...I really am starting to worry about you. I don't have your digits to text you random annoying comments.

are you ok? do I need to start writing up LTD paperwork??

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