I love a good horror flick. I love the bad ones, too. I just love them, period. :) So in the spirit of Halloween, I thought I'd help you all out. By googling the ways to keep you safe should you wake up and find yourself in a horror flick.
When it appears you have killed the monster, NEVER check to see if it's really dead.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not go search for something in the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead.
If you are searching for something which caused a loud noise and you find out it's just the cat, leave the room immediatey if you value your life.
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.
Don't fool around with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
If you're running away from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, developing a fascination with blood, glowing eyes, foaming at the mouth and increasing hairiness, you're gonna want to ditch their asses NOW.
Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any device made from deceased companions.
Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.
Never listen to music that contains staccato shrieking violins.
If you are a woman, never strip and take a shower in slow motion.
Do not keep all your sharpened kitchen knives in one of those wooden block thingies on your worksurface.
The first woman to either lose or remove her clothing is dead meat.
The guy with the testosterone overdose is also dead meat.
Along with the guy that is always making jokes
When you are searching a house because you think there is something dangerous there, turn on the damn lights!
Never back out of one room into another without looking. It's always behind you.
Never babysit.There are enough babysitter-in-danger-thanks-to-a-stupid-killer flicks out there already.
If you are being chased, never lean against the wall when you think you lost him. He'll just pop through and kill you.
Same goes for leaning against the window.
If the killer has stalked you over the phone lines, don't take a job as a phone counselor.
If you sense something is behind you, don't bother turning around to check. Just run.
After you manage to kill the monster/killer, never sit beside it and cry. You will die.
Don't ever do something just because someone dares you to.
If you ever visit some distant planet and find objects that look like eggs, LEAVE THEM ALONE!!!
Then when one of your spaceship's crew members finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of breaking the pervious rule), don't let him back on the ship.
When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of breaking the previous two rules) NEVER wander off alone to hunt for the ship's cat.
Never go back for anything you lost.
Avoid people with pointy teeh.
Avoid people with pale complexions who sway and moan,
If the barber remarks on the "666" tattoo your kid has, abandon the kid and move to Irkutsk.
If you see a burly man wearing a hockey mask and toting a chainsaw, DO NOT stick around to see if he's with the Philadelphia Flyers.
Never buy your kid a toy that talks back.
Remember: Just say "NO" to human blood.
Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.
Pigs blood is not now, nor has it ever been funny.
Never EVER play with any Ouijia board that you find in the basement of your newly bought, run-down house.
If you are running away from the killer/monster, don't even try to start the car. It doesn't matter if the car is brand new, it won't start.
If running from the monster/killer, try to make the least amount of noise possible. Especially if you are female. Panting, crying and screaming is not going to help you hide any better.
For pete's sake...NEVER stick your hand down the garbage disposal. Especially if you just heard strange noises in your house or while sinister music is playing.
Never answer the phone when you are babysititng. Just get the hell out of there and leave the kids for dead.
Don't be mean to the new kid. They will just end up killing you.
If you hear a strange noise coming from upstairs that sounds similar to, oh let's say a severed head falling to the floor, don't go trying to find out what it is.
When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There's no hope for you anyway.
Never wait until you NEED the gun to check and see if it's loaded.
Don't make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees..
Never say "Who's there?"
If your hand has been possesed by the Force of Evil, do NOT chop off your hand. Doing so will merely allow the disembodied hand the freedom to wreak havoc independent of your body. And now you have to spend the rest of the film trying to track it down,
If you have a feeling you'll end up being chased by zombies during the night, remember to wear comfortable running shoes.
If you are a girl with long blonde hair, blue eyes and big boobs, well, you are pretty much screwed.
When running away from the killer/monster, NEVER run upstairs.
If you are babysitting, don't let the kids play with the Chucky doll.
If you go to your school library and there are a lot of books having to do with vampires and demons...move away ASAP
If you are fleeing from a killer or supernatural being and you see a cop car, run right by it. There are three possible ways that things will turn out if you try to get the cops attention and none are good:
A. The cop is already dead in some gruesome way that will cause you to scream and alert the killer/monster as to where you are.
B. The cop will probably end up dead as he tries to help you, this will only distract the killer away from you for a few seconds, but chances are you will end up getting killed anyway.
C. The supernatural being has assumed the form of a cop and just when you think you are safe...he will kill you.
If people in your neighborhood have been disapearing and there's talk about a surge of any type of insect...move. Stuborn home owners always die.
When and if you fall while running and the killer/monster is near you, don't just sit there screaming like someone will hear you. Get up and RUN!!
Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study "it," or take "it" back to the corporate masters, or learn from "it" at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he's going to sacrifice you anyway.
If the movie is directed by someone named Wes Craven or John Carpenter, you're pretty much screwed.
A female should never wear a white shirt without a bra while escaping the monster. It will only increase your chances of falling and causing a freak rainstorm that will make your shirt transparent and result in your immediate death.
If you live in Maine and your hometown includes a clown driving a car he calls Christine with a large ,rabid St. Bernard in the backseat, while residing in an old, haunted hotel near a strange Pet Semetary and hangs out with teenage girls with telekenetic powers....you're pretty much screwed.
If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it's in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back and kick ass, no explanation needed.