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Tuesday, January 20, 2009

One down... almost...

It’s almost… awkward.

My first day back to the land of working adults. I feel frumpy, not quite back to a decent-looking body. I still need to shed 10 pounds. I haven’t been leaving the house much so I hadn’t REALLY worried about it until today. Nothing like having to wear real clothes after 2 and a half months of wearing pj’s to motivate that diet.

And there’s the fact I feel like a stranger in a familiar environment. It’s MY desk and MY stuff… why does it feel so odd to be here. Things that were second nature before are taking me some time to process. Everyone’s been great and it’s nice to be back in grownup world. It’s nice to see all the people I missed while I was gone. I got a couple of gifts, a bunch of hearty “welcome back”s and I went to lunch with Meow (Corey) which was a nice change from grabbing a bowl of cereal IF I remembered.

But of course, returning to my life, meant leaving a huge piece of it behind. Carter, of course, needs to be taken care of while Daddy and I are at work. So he started at daycare today. It’s a nice place. Clean, friendly, secure… all this means that it’s expensive. But when you’re talking about your baby, what does that matter, right?

I dropped him off in his class today. He was the first one there. Which I was excited about because I got one-on-one time with his teacher. That eased some of the anxiety I was feeling. We talked about his schedule and him personally. He rewarded her undivided attention with a huge beaming grin. His first crush, I think, because he didn’t stop smiling after that. He’s the ONLY boy in his class and will be surrounded by little girl babies. Mommy’s little stud.

It was devastatingly hard to leave. I must have said, “Ok, Punkin, Mommy has to go….”, at least 9 or 10 times. But my heart must have melted into my feet because they were planted solidly in place. I finally found the courage to kiss his sweet face and leave the room. I even made it to my car before I started to sob uncontrollably. Small victory.

As relieved as I am to be getting back into the swing of things and to the routine of my daily life, I can’t wait to get out of here and pick up my little man. I miss his toothless smile and the way his brow crinkles when I talk to him, as though he’s thinking hard about what I’m saying. Funny little man.

I’m coming, Munchkin!!


me said...

Aw! It IS nice to have you back but I know (not like really know) it must be hard to be away.

But we are happy you are here!!! If only one other person would leave......you and I would be HAPPY.

KRiSTiN said...

Amen to that.

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