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Tuesday, March 30, 2010

What if...

The end of that sentence has unending possiblities and has possibly been uttered in every language by, I'd guess, 99.9% of the world's population. 

In reading my ever intriguing friend, Jenny's, blog {found HERE}, she speaks of a writer {Donald Miller} she enjoys reading.  Let me quote her blog talking about this author...

"If you haven't read Blue Like Jazz or A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, I suggest you get on that, like today. He talks a lot about the story of our lives. And this week he talked about what you should do if you felt like the story of your life had gotten boring, sad, lonely, heartbreaking etc..... He asked that you write down 5 powerful what if questions that could change your life. By writing things down you give power and substance to the thoughts that are just rolling around in your head."

She goes on to list her "what if" questions meant for changing her story.  Powerful stuff.

I haven't read these books, but I'm curious now. I'm going to have to.  So that got me thinking about mine.  My life changing "what if" questions.  My life story has become stagnant.  It's lonely and stale.  And has been for what feels like forever.  I don't want to sit down an accept this as the novel of my being.  I want a story worth reading.  Who's job is it to make that happen?  Mine, of course.  So, while I could ask the easy questions, the ones I already know the answers to or that are easy fixes... I opt out of that.  I opt out of easy.  I've been pondering on this for a day or so.  And I intend on continuing to ponder.  But thus far, what I've come up with is a couple of questions that demand serious action.

1.  What if I actually did what I wanted to with my life, and went back to school?  That would involve some finagling.  We're minus my income right now so to stretch that even further to pay for school and child care while I'm IN school... I just don't know how that would work.  So I'd completely ruled it out.  Out of logic, not out of mind.  I think about it constantly.  About how I'm destined for a life that subpar because of some bad decisions I made in college.  And now, knowing what I want and how to get it... it's out of reach.  That keeps me up at night.  2 years.  I just need 2 years.. or less.  But what if I made it happen.  Somehow.  How many ways would my entire life be changed?

2.  What if I put the excuses out of the way, and actually did something active to get fit?  I have a million reasons not to.  Like, my husband ignored me when I was skinny, too, so why bother to punish myself?  Or I don't have time or the money for a fancy gym membership or personal trainer.  And the best one, I LIKE cheese and potatoes and anything that is "bad" for me.  It tastes so yummy!  And those are choice foods for my sad and lonely emotions.  So what if I put forth the effort and did something for me.  Just for me.  An hour or so of alone time would be nice, too.  It's impossibly hard to get away from everyone in a house full of men when everyone here has there own space but me. 

There are others, but they're pretty intensely personal and involve things I'm not putting out into the uncontrollable internet universe.  But I've got alot to think about and some serious decisions and plans to make. 

Here's to life changing questions and the pursuit of mental health and personal happiness, regardless of the sacrifices!


Jenny Misslin said...

Girl, good for you asking those "what if" questions! They are a pain in the rear and I certainly don't like the answers to alot of my questions but, it has made me think. And as for Donald Miller, you have got to read Blue Like Jazz and a Million Miles in a Thousand Years. Changed my life. For Real.

KRiSTiN said...

just asking the questions, especially the ones i chose not to share, was eye opening. change is hard. and it's hard to take control of your destiny instead of complain about the direction the path has taken.

i am amazoning those book immediately. :)

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