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Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Casserole of Thoughts

It's Shark Week.  Whoop!  Whoop!  My tivo is filling up quickly. 

GAWD, I love sharks.  They're so haunting.  It's their eyes, I think.  That big.ass.fish with RAZOR TEETH swimming almost invisibly in a pool of substance we can't survive in.  It's worst case scenerio for humans.  Water = can't breath unassisted.  Giant fish with dinosaur teeth = ouch (at the very least).  Multidimensional Attack Opportunity = better have eyes on the back of your head (and the top and the bottom of your feet... really you need spherical sight in all directions).

I love sharks.  I want to swim with them.  I need that thrill.  That's the "thing" for me.  My one thing.  One day.  One day I'll have pictures of Great Whites within arms reach that I'll have taken myself.  One day.

But for now... updates....

Well, first of all, I have a really icky pimple!  It's big and it hurts!  Plus, it isn't very attractive.

Alright, so other, less disgusting stuff..

Well, Carter (and Trenton during the summer) went to Kindercare and it closed last Friday.  Corporate closed it down because there weren't enough kids I guess.  The last day was really sad!!  All the teachers took a long time to say goodbye to the boys and I had to take all their "stuff" home in a bag which was...just sad.  Carter's blankie, cup, and Mr. Elephant for naptime all looked so pathetic in the bag to be taken away from the cubbie they've lived in for so long.  The director personally said goodbye and gave out flowers with a super sweet note to all the mommys picking up their kids. 

So the following Monday (yesterday), I got to start all over as far as getting the kids adjusted to school.  They're going to another Kindercare, just further North.  This one is bigger and, honestly, I really like the set up.  They have a Splash Park for the kids on-site and 2 way mirrors so I can watch the boys for a bit in the morning after leaving the room without them seeing me. 

Which brings me to my Miserable Monday Moment.

After getting the boys set up for school, talking to their teachers, then leaving each room, I stood watching in the mirrors.  The boys morning rooms are literally right across the hall from one another so I can stand in one spot and just turn my head to see either boy.  Carter is stranger anxious and Trenton is the most social child in existence.  So I was worried about Carter, not so much Trenton.


As I stood there watching Carter, he shed not one tear.  He sat at the table with the other toddlers laughing and eating his breakfast with a HUGE smile.  I cheered a little inside!!  Until I turned around.

I peeked in at Trenton and was shocked to find him standing alone by the window.  Children running around, playing, talking and him standing, without a friend, against a wall.  My heart broke into a zillion tiny pieces.  I've been there.  Am still there any time I'm in a room with people I don't know.  But this was worse because it wasn't me.  I couldn't make the other kids include him.  I couldn't walk in and hang out with him.  I didn't have the option of taking away the seclusion of not knowing anyone.  The teacher called them to breakfast and I watched him uncertainly look for a place to sit, a friend to sit with, but there was no one.  The teacher found him a seat.  I watched for a bit more and finally HAD to walk out the door. 

I cried all the way to work. 

I get it.  That he has to experience these things.  We all do.  That's Life.  And he was fine.  And will make more and more friends as the summer progresses.  But what a wretched ache I had for the rest of the day.  The memory lingered on the fringes of my focus until I got home. 

Ugh.  It was awful.  In a way you understand if you have kids and can't possibly comprehend if you don't.

Then THIS morning, Carter decided he didn't want to stay with his class and as I tried to set him down, he bucked his head back, splitting my lip into bloody grossness.  ::Sigh::  But then breakfast was served and he was much more ok with being there.  How quickly my biggest fans forget me for pancakes and bananas. 

I need a vacation.  A real one.  With a hotel, and overnight bag and everything.  Alas, I'll have to settle for being somewhere else in my head at all times.  It does the trick... for now. 


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