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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Thoughts from emotional roadkill

My feelings are mobile.  Look out.

Today has been particularly rough.  I've bounced bach and forth, cried and laughed more times than I want to mention.  I am emotionally exhausted.  One thing after another keeps pounding away at me.  Waves of stress and I am drowning!  

And then there's the guilt.

I feel emotionally run over.  I like to think I'm allowed a bad day.  But is that so?  I have 2 healthy kids.  My husband, brother and Dad are all home safe and not deployed in a war.  I have a job.  I have a home.  I have people I love and who love me.  Is it ever right for me to cry because something doesn't go my way?  Can sanity be maintained if I DON'T occasionally break?

Is my anxiety about things {money, health, the future in general} insulting?  Or worse, is it an act of defiance or distrust in God?  Is it possible to let EVERYTHING go and simply accept every single thing that happens and not stress?  Is it sinful NOT to do that?

I am in a weird place today.  I feel guilty for feeling bad when I'm so obviously blessed, but I can't fight the anxiety that comes from real life and the stress it induces in me.  Letting that build up causes emotional explosions. 

Basically, I feel bad for feeling bad. 

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