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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

It is not a slight thing when those so fresh from God love us. -- Dickens

Carter sleeps with me. Has since he was born. Tucked up in my arm. He LOVES that. However, it's not so good for Mommy because I sleep lightly, afraid I'll roll over on my lil' bit and when I do sleep, I wake up with cramps and aching limbs from my contortions. Should've used the moses basket or something but this is my last baby and I just love to hold him. They get big so very fastand you miss the tiny baby they were once. I just wanted to take advantage of it while it was there.

Carter's had a cold and then I was in the hospital, but I decided this was the week to start him in his bed. My last week of maternity leave so a good time to start getting him on a schedule. I decided to wait until after Trenton was in bed so I could focus all my attention on this. Carter HATES his crib. I tried naps in there before. Whoa. Swing, bouncy chair, or arms. That was it as far as sleeping. But I decided to take a stand.

After Trenton was in bed at 8:30ish, I fed Carter. Got his belly nice and full. He fell asleep and I was immensely relieved assuming that since he was sleepy, this would be easy. I woke him up, made him finish eating and then we played. Well, we chatted. I tickled and cooed at him and he wiggled and smiled and made all kinds of his own noises. After 20 minutes or so of that, I could visibly see he was tired. So I took him in his darkened bedroom, started his super expensive mobile and laid him down, kissed him, and left the room. It was 9:32pm. He cried. And he thrust his body about in protest, but by 9:48pm he was asleep. Hurray, I thought, that wasn't TOO bad. Somewhere in the universe, I think God laughed. ::Sigh::

I could watch him on our awesome flatscreen video monitor, so I felt WAY better about the whole thing. Something about being able to see your baby is so much more comforting than leaving them in their alone without knowing...

After Carter was asleep, I lit all the candles in the bathroom. I ran myself a hot bubble bath in celebration of Carter's first night in his own bed. I sank low in the hot, steamy tub thinking about all the sprawling and wallowing I could do now. I'd just gotten comfy when I heard it... Carter was awake... and PISSED. I should've known that'd been too easy.

Soooo, long story short, I went in and out of his bedroom multiple times. I don't even know how many. I tried everything. By the time he went to sleep, I'd gone through using his mobile, the womb sounds teddy, Mommy singing (yikes), the pacifier, swaddling, me gentle shaking the crib to rock him, etc. My heart broke when I went in there once and simply laid my hand gently on his face and he stopped crying and screaming and instantly both of his hands came up and held mine on him. I stood there and cried as he panted, because he seemed to just want Mommy. I didn't pick him up and snuggle him. He needs to learn to soothe himself, but Lord in Heaven I wanted to.

I don't think my Non-Mommy friends will understand how hard it is to NOT pick up a crying baby that you KNOW will stop once you do. Your instinct is to comfort and protect. Fighting that and listening to your angel cry is horrible. So I cried most of the night, too, lol.

Anyway, I put Carter down at 9:32pm and let him cry, coming in occasionally to show him he wasn't alone or to restart his mobile or try something different to comfort him. The swaddling and pacifier with the womb sounds teddy in the background combo seemed to work best so I went with that. Then I was in and out putting his binky in his mouth when he dropped it. Which he did lots. Because he doesn't normally take a pacifier. He spits them out in digust normally. But I FINALLY got him to sleep. At 12:41pm, Carter was asleep. It only cost me hundreds of tears, a glass of wine, and heaps of heartache.

My nightstand later last night. I needed some wine to get me through. Notice the light on the top. That the typical sound indicator found on the classic baby monitor. Topped out at red for hours, poor baby.

Can't wait for tonight. ::Shudder::

But he only woke up once at 5:30am to eat and then he went back to sleep in his crib with only a few legs jerks to show his disgust. I am starting WAY earlier tonight.


Warner Wrap-Up said...

You are not alone my friend,. Just take comfort in knowing we are going through the EXACT same thing over here in the Warner household. I have cried so much this week I think my eyes are perme-swollen. But, it is getting MUCH better. Little G is only crying for a couple of minutes before he is out. We have stayed very consistent since Friday. Stick with it girl.....he will be just fine (and you too.) :)

The Barbers said...

Crap, I'm next...

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