Into the Unknown..

Sleeping is fun. Carter normally gets up between 7:30 and 8 am. So that's when I get up. However, when I opened my eyes at 8:27 this morning and looked at the monitor, Carter was still curled up and snoozing. I love video monitors. I'd be worried if I couldn't see him breathing and would have had to go in there and check on him. But he was fine so I rolled over, thinking he'd be up in the next 15 minutes and I'd just doze until then. Then next time I opened my eyes, the clock said 9:15 am. He had turned his head, but other than that, he was in the exact same position and STILL snoozing. He didn't get up until 5 minutes 'til 10 am. And he was in SUCH a good mood. He giggled all the way downstairs to get breakfast. Now he's in there talking to Yo Gabba Gabba on TV. He loves that show. I think it's creepy.

My whole day feels off. He just woke up, but normally, he's waking up from his morning nap about now. So crazy.

I'm suffering from another disappointing job situation. After multiple interviews and phone calls, I was offered a job at a Church in Frisco. I was really, really hoping it would work out. When I brought up salary at the interview, they couldn't give me anything. A there was a committe involved and blah, blah. So they continued meeting with me and called my references. And, as I expected, called me this morning to offer me the job. I thought it'd be low, but I was SHOCKED at how low. So that sucks. If they'd just given me a number, that number, I could have saved us all lots of time. :/

You would be surprised how many jobs are requiring bachelors degrees to even be considered and then paying $12 per hour. It's ridiculous. I basically made that lifeguarding right out of high school. But with the economy and the number of people unemployed, they can get away with it, so why not? Sadly, there are people like me who can't afford to work for pocket change because we have children who need child care.

I'm trying not to get frustrated, but... the future is so unknown. I don't like that. I need to know. And Christmas is quickly approaching. And my parents keep hounding me about a cruise they want to take us on in March. Which would be lots of fun and I really want to go. What a great opportunity, right? But we can't afford to do ANYTHING if we go on a cruise. We'd basically be sitting on the boat, not eating or drinking, trying to entertain the kids while everyone else went off and had fun. What's the point?

Then on top of that, my ex changed jobs again. Which is probably great for him, but means my child support is about to stop... again. And Trenton has no medical insurance since that's his responsibility, too. And if something happens, I'll never see that money. I STILL have things from a couple of hospital trips that he was supposed to take care of that he never did. In fact, he had insurance. All he had to do was take the card to them (10 minutes from his appartment) and verify his identity. But he couldn't (wouldn't) do that. Because what does he care? He know I can't do anything about it. So I have an outstanding balance at a hospital that's thousands of dollars. I can't pay it, but making him pay would mean me paying a lawyer, sooo... I'm just screwed. But I try to be nice. I'm civil. But then things happen like yesterday, I call to say that I signed Trenton up for cub scouts and that I am paying for it, but if he wanted to take Trenton on one of the two camping trips, he could, and Scott would take him on the other one. He then throws a fit about why Scott would be able to take him on any camping trip or help him with the Derby Car thing. He doesn't want to do the weekly meetings or pay the dues, or buy the uniform, but he's pissed than anyone but him gets to do the fun stuff. His reasoning for excluding Scott was, and I quote, "My dad always took me to stuff like that." It was really hard to bite my tongue because the dad he's refering to, is his STEPDAD!!!

Most disappointing is that I just want to go to school. 18 months is all I need. But I can't make it happen. The program is a full day. I couldn't do it at night or online. And I couldn't full time or during the day. So I have to just let that go. Which is fine. Just.. diappointing.

It's supposed to rain today. I hope it does. The weather should match my mood. I feel grumpy and out of wack.

On a good note, Trenton is loving first grade. I think he's excited to be back out of the house and around the kids again. Mommy and little brother are boring in comparison. :)