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Friday, July 09, 2010

Dear Wildly Peeing Public Restroom User,

I want to express my sincerest condolences. It must be terrible to be SO misunderstood. The average woman, when happening upon the potty you just sprinkled with pee then left for the next person to deal with, is aggravated and/or disgusted. But I understand your situation.

You have no arms. Seeing this pee-on-potty situation time and time again, I’ve had time to think about it. This is the only logical explanation. Your secret is out. But worry not. I pity you. I am not angry. It must be hard to hover over a toilet {you can’t touch it with your bare ass. You’re armless, not crazy!} with no arms to steady you. If you DID have arms, there’s NO REASON why there would be pee ALL OVER THE SEAT when you were done. Furthermore, you’d be able to clean up after yourself with the upper appendages the rest of us would use in a crazy peeing situation. So I get it. And I am full of sympathy and concern. Pee away, armless friend... and be strong!

And if this ISN’T the case… if you DO have arms and are just a retardly stupid and selfish person with little control of her bladder… then I hope you slip on a puddle of you own piss and bust your face against a disgusting gas station toilet and lie unconscious on the cess pool of bacteria covered floor with your mouth and tongue openly exposed to the fiesta of Hepatitis and trailer park foot funk that lives there.


Someone who was potty trained correctly.



Carol said...

Amen, sister! My thoughts exactly. Pardon the pun, but they have piss poor manners to spray and then not clean up!! May they be cursed with a lifetime of bladder infections!

Anonymous said...

I think you should write a book, Kristin....you are GOOD !!!
Maybe you could be like Erman Bombeck. One thing is for sure....we can always count on honesty from you and telling it like it is. Margie

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